Calvin's Finest
by THE Elvenking
Summary: Two alter egos team up. Think Batman and Superman.
1. The Beginning

Calvin's Finest  
  
I don't own Calvin and Hobbes  
  
A/N- It's gonna be three chapters.  
  
It was roughly 6 PM, Eastern Time, when they called his newspaper. He called himself Calvin there, and nobody seemed to know his last name. Still, he was the one to intercept the call.  
  
"Calvin, Daily Moon speaking." Calvin sighed into the receiver.  
  
"Calvin, eh?" A police officer's voice replied. The voice was identifiable only by the occasional pause, in which a piece of a donut entered the mouth. "There's been an odd string of robberies downtown. Our detectives are baffled, so we want a reporter. Tell that to your boss."  
  
"Sure." Calvin sighed, putting the receiver down. Who was this policeman kidding? A reporter wouldn't be any good. Not when Stupendous Man was in the area.  
  
Meanwhile, at the crime scene, a controversial detective was ushered onto the scene. Rain had slightly effected his trenchcoat, but he otherwise was untouched as he lit up a cigarette. He stared at the ground. Not really much to stare down at.  
  
Suddenly, the dark area was illuminated by another figure dropping down from the sky. A massive crimson flash emitted from the skies, and Stupendous Man had touched down.  
  
Tracer Bullet snarled slightly at the newcomer. He didn't agree with the seemingly fascistic solutions of the superhero.  
  
"Put out the cigarette, Tracer." Stupendous Man sighed, his eyes piercing his cowl. "It's really bad for your health."  
  
"Thank you, mister walking, talking public service announcement." Tracer growled, taking another puff from the stick in his fingers.  
  
"I suppose you've got some ideas, Trace?" Stupendous Man inquired, giving up on saving Tracer from the throes of lung cancer.  
  
"Plenty." Tracer arrogantly boasted. "None of which I intend to share with you."  
  
Tracer now turned around and began walking down an alley to the next crime scene. Stupendous Man was there, too.  
  
"This isn't going to work, Tracer." Stupendous Man pleaded with the shadowed figure. "We've got to work together."  
  
"What is this, an episode of Batman?" Tracer demanded, turning towards the ground. He stared at the demolished safe door, and walked into the safe. Stupendous Man followed Tracer, who found a twenty-dollar bill and stuck it in his coat.  
  
"Well, Sherlock?" Stupendous Man smiled at his comrade.  
  
"Cut the corn." Tracer sighed, taking another whiff of his cigarette. "I know who we're after."  
  
"Really?" Stupendous Man asked, gleeful as a five-year-old at Christmas. "Where?"  
  
Tracer simply turned around, taking the rain completely in stride, and walked through the dimly-lit streets.  
  
"Hey!" Stupendous Man shouted, jumping into the air. "Don't forget about me!"  
  
And so, as Tracer pushed his way through the rain, Stupendous Man followed, desperately trying to crack the private eye. 


	2. J'Accuse

Calvin's Finest  
  
Chapter Two- J'Accuse!  
  
Tracer Bullet arrived at his destination relatively earlier than Stupendous Man. The crimson bolt ruined any chance that the detective had, however, of stealth.  
  
The two were inside a hanger. Dimly lit, but an odd, circular ship was in the middle. It was painted an odd red color, and had a dome protruding from it. A figure clad in blue spandex was waxing it and talking to himself.  
  
"During downtime, our hero wisely waxes up his ship, preparing for his next intergalactic scuffle." The vain figure muttered, pausing to admire his reflection on the ship's surface. "Hey, who's that good looking guy?" He chuckled.  
  
"You honestly think that this guy could do it?" Stupendous Man whispered as the figure began to whistle the theme from "Jetsons" to himself.  
  
"Absolutely." Tracer smiled, putting his hand on the trigger of his gun. "I know he did it."  
  
"He's a conceited blowhard!" Stupendous Man countered. "Heck, he probably couldn't even take over an uninhabited planet... he'd starve if he couldn't somehow find some sort of ice cream."  
  
At this point, Stupendous Man noticed that the target of his lecture had slipped behind a larger blue ship.  
  
"Our hero, the intrepid Spaceman Spiff, now begins his checklist. Goggles. Check. Smile. Check. Pen for autographs. Check." The figure continued.  
  
Tracer knew that it was now or never. In a short amount of time, the target of his plot would notice him. It was then that he decided to strike.  
  
He then jumped out from behind the ship. "Keep your hands where I can see 'em." Tracer stated, no trace of emotion in his voice.  
  
"Try to take me alive, space scum!" The blonde stranger screamed, firing his gun at the detective.  
  
Tracer muttered a few dark words to himself as the ducked to one side of the rays of light. Something needed to be done.  
  
Just then, a blast from the gun hit Stupendous Man's cape. Tracer's cool suddenly broke, and he cringed as Stupendous Man's gloves picked up the shards of fabric falling from the broken cape.  
  
He'd been shot. He'd been crushed. He'd nearly died. But nobody messed with the cape. All that Tracer heard was a battle cry, then he saw a red flash, and the spaceman was down on the ground.  
  
"Is there a problem, guys?" the fallen Spaceman Spiff inquired as Stupendous Man frantically looked around for a substitute cape.  
  
"Not if you cooperate." Tracer's deep voice boomed. He put one pistol in his shoulder holster, but kept one in his left hand. He was, after all, a man of action.  
  
"All right, then, Joe." Spiff desperately smiled. "The name's Spaceman Spiff, explorer of the cosmos."  
  
Tracer muttered something that Stupendous Man picked up with his Stupendous Hearing. Stupendous then turned to the astronaut. "Did you or did you not commit a series of robberies in stores on Oak Grove on the 29th of March?"  
  
"Chill, man. I didn't rob anybody." Spiff hastily replied.  
  
Tracer sighed as he let Spiff up from under his foot. Another lead wound up dead. Hopefully the next lead would be the right one. 


	3. The End

Calvin's Finest  
  
Chapter Three- The End  
  
Tracer was not amused as the detective and the superhero walked away from the hanger. Unlike Stupendous, who seemed to have an aura of happiness around him, Tracer was gloomier than normal. Of course, he couldn't dodge a question that had been nagging him throughout the lead- what on Earth was a science fiction-inspired hanger doing in the middle of the city?  
  
Shrugging it off as being the fault of some half-crazy author writing at midnight, Tracer inserted another cancer stick into his mouth. The superhero rolled his eyes and looked through his cowl, resisting the temptation to singe a few of the barbs poking up on Tracer's chin.  
  
Tracer stared into the rain. It was falling at about a thirty-something angle of depression from the clouds. The directional fall indicated that the wind was southbound. The private eye chuckled to himself lightly as he realized the impractical use of detective skills.  
  
He decided that he'd had enough of this cat-and-mouse game. He knew where he could always go- a perpetual flow of information. Any idiot dressed up like a flying mammal could get information there, why couldn't the potential winner of every Al Capone lookalike contest grab the info he needed?  
  
Thus, with Stupendous Man flying to keep up with a running Tracer, the two figures converged on a bar. Tracer kicked down the door and swung a pistol in each hand. Show time.  
  
As Tracer was pronouncing a threat that his superhuman compatriot was ignoring to the best of his abilities, Stupendous Man walked through the door. A massive cloud of tobacco smoke hung over the bar. It was littered with bullet holes, several chairs were knocked over, and there were several stains of blood filling the floor. The superhero couldn't help but wonder exactly how many of these stains could be blamed on Tracer.  
  
Tracer put down a punk's hand, covered in blood and glass fragments, and then let down the collar. "Thank you." The detective cracked a sarcastic smile as he turned around. "Let's go." He muttered to Stupendous Man, punching his friend's left arm.  
  
The two heroes stepped out from the palace of sin. Tracer was noticeably in good humor, which meant that he got to break a few bones before getting the truth. Stupendous Man's crimson head rocked left to right as he questioned his "friend's" methods.  
  
Unlike the past seventeen, this lead actually turned up something. They arrived at a motel room- room 145. Tracer lifted his foot up to kick down the door, but Stupendous Man blocked the attack and opened the door, breaking the lock. It would be cheaper to replace, all things considered.  
  
There were two men outside of the door, both dressed up with ski masks and holding guns. Tracer smiled- any shootings would be considered self- defense. Serving the police department wasn't half-bad, really.  
  
Stupendous Man, however, chose to take one. Still, extraordinary means on ordinary individuals was against the hero's policy, so he wouldn't be able to use his heat vision. And he had been so hopeful.  
  
Tracer tackled his opponent, and slammed him into the bed, which caused the cheap bedspread to fall on the robber's face. He ripped out the telephone's cord, and used it to tie his foe up. Easy.  
  
Meanwhile, Stupendous Man's foe had surrendered, and spilled the beans. As the hero waltzed out of the room with a grin on his face, Tracer called the police, then followed his compatriot.  
  
The superhero informed his partner that they'd have to fly, so he picked Tracer up. Tracer wasn't amused, and cursed a blue streak as they reached a smoke-filled lair.  
  
"Why do all the bad guys smoke? We smokers get such negative PR." Tracer sighed as the two walked through the door.  
  
Inside the lair, which was covered in red carpeting, painted red, and had red furniture, a man was asleep on the couch. Now it was Tracer's turn to be disappointed. Stupendous Man walked over, and picked up the man. After informing Tracer that he was the mastermind, the superhero flew off with a crimson flash.  
  
"See you again!" the superhero shouted back after his companion.  
  
"Not if I'm lucky." Tracer muttered as he walked down the rain-soaked alley. He pulled out another cigarette, and walked into the alley. This one had been too easy- there had to be another mastermind behind it.  
  
Still, Tracer shrugged it off for now. The battle was over for now.  
  
Case closed. 


End file.
